Which of these were neighbor to him?

"So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?" (Luke 10:36)

Over the past few weeks, I've been given reason to ponder on some things that have been turning in my head for quite some time - in fact, years.

Do you go to one of those churches where everyone hugs each other and tells them they love them? Sounds good, doesn't it? It can feel good, too. But ... does it mean anything?

"Of course it does!" we respond. We are brothers and sisters in the Lord. We are family. We love each other.

Are we? Do we really?

"Of course we do!"

Ok, let me put the question another way. Do we act like it? Do we demonstrate our love and concern?

I've pondered this in my own life for several reasons, looking at it from both the giving and receiving end. I've also observed three separate situations recently and the evidence they have provided is inconsistent with what we say. Let me share some of those stories to keep it from sounding like just a "poor me" story. There seems to me to be a difference in what we say and what we do.

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Situation 1:

A 40-something year old man who ran in marathon races suddenly dropped dead in his home from a heart attack. In spite of faith-filled prayers and CPR, he did not revive. Of course, his wife was in a state of shock. Since there were children involved, she had to "be there" for them while dealing with her own grief and the reality of the sudden change in financial condition since he was the bread winner.

I had talked with someone who had known this couple for many years and was "a sister in the Lord" to them. I was seeking to find out from her what needs might be there. She told me how she had offered to bring pizza over and to do anything that needed to be done. Since no needs were expressed, she did nothing (other than taking some pizza over) and had no suggestions for me of things that needed to be done.

I barely knew this couple. But I knew they had a large family, most of which lived elsewhere, so that means they will need large quantities of food - meat, vegies, and dessert (aka - a meal). You don't ask; you assess the need and act on it.

I later learned that the ex-wife of the man who died (and mother of his oldest daughter) went over and cleaned the house before the out of town relatives arrived. She didn't call and ask; she simply showed up, cleaned the house, and left.

Which of these ladies was a neighbor to this woman? Her sister in the Lord? Or the woman who showed up to clean the house of the widow of her own ex-husband?

Situation 2:

Another 40-something year old man, also very athletic and healthy, collapsed when two aneurysms burst. After struggling for over a week, he, too, passed away leaving a wife and small children.

From what was said by the minister at the funeral services, this couple was very involved in their church. So, in the midst of roller coaster ride while his life hung in the balance and for a period of time afterwards, meals were provided to the family for the children and wife (when she was there to eat) and the extended family from out of town who were staying in their home to care for them while "mom" was at the hospital with "dad." Gift cards were also provided to help buy meals for the wife at the hospital or gas for her or the extended family who were driving back and forth from out of town or whatever was needed. And the lawn was kept cut.

Who did all that? Their church family? No. In as far as I know, they did not do anything. It was their coworkers who provided the food and gift cards and began taking care of the yard. Their neighbors took over the yard care and assisted with the food delivery, if no one was home when it was brought by daily for about a month.

Who were the neighbors to this family? Their church family? Or their coworkers and those who happen to live beside them?

Situation 3:

A man in his early 50s had a massive stroke. Once again, he and his wife were very committed to their local church.

His wife was "living" in the waiting room for the critical care unit, going home only to shower and freshen up and check on the house and the mail. Once again, gift cards for expenses she and their (grown) children were incurring and yard care was provided. Once again, it was his coworkers who provided these; not their church family.

Who were their neighbors?

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I could go on with more examples, but I think you get the point. It isn't enough to hug each other and say "I love you." "Love" isn't a word, nor it is a feeling. It's a commitment that elicits action on our part when the one we love is hurting or in need.

Let us ask ourselves ... to whom have we demonstrated our love recently?

7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9 In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. 10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. (1 John 4:7-11)

covenant relationships

As a general rule, we in the United States do not grow up with the understanding of covenant that they do in some countries. Most people do at least acknowledge that marriage is a covenant relationship. However, the divorce rate in our country – among Christians as well as non-Christians – testifies to the fact that keeping that covenant relationship is not always a priority.

One evening this past week, I was caused to reflect on a particular covenant relationship I have had for about 15 years. The reflection was triggered by an incident in which my covenant friend was being viciously attacked by a family member and I “stepped in” to defend her from the lies that were being spewed. I won’t go into the details of that situation, but it did cause me to later reflect on my relationship with the friend I had defended.


What does it mean to be in covenant?

• It means being there when they need someone – without being asked.
  
• It means knowing “that’s not really necessary” sometimes means, “I don’t want to ask you to do that (but it would really be appreciated if you did).”
  
• It means watching their back and defending them – even if they are not around.
  
• It means being willing to step in front of them and “take the bullet” in their place – or provide the protective shield when they are under attack.
  
• It means being willing to utilize all of our resources (finances, time, energy, etc.) to meet a need they have.
  
• It means being as scripture said of David and Jonathan where their souls were knit together and “and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” (1 Sam 18:1)
  

In our society today where self-centered, watching-out-for-yourself sometimes seems to be the norm, it is often misunderstood when one person is willing to “lay down their life” for another – particularly when it is for a friend rather than a spouse or relative. It can be questioned even when it is for family.

I went through a season of care-giving for my mother in her final years. As she aged, the time and attention needed to do all that was needed continued to increase. Once when we were “back home” visiting extended family and friends, I had her cousins and then my cousins pull me aside and tell me that I needed to consider putting her in a nursing home, because (in their view) I shouldn’t “put my life on hold” for her. My thought was, “What?!”

In my view, I wasn’t putting my life on hold. I may have been putting some plans on hold, but not my life. I was living through a season of my life in which I had the privilege of caring for the person who had spent years caring for me. Why would I not want to do that? Isn’t giving ourselves away what love is about?

How many today are willing to do that even for a relative, much less for “a friend”? Yet, John 15:13 states, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” (emphasis added)

Perhaps it is time to ask ourselves the question, “For whom would I do that?”

Then ask the question, “Who would do that for me?”

The answers to those two questions will reveal your true covenant relationships.

Oh what a tangled web we weave ….

“Oh what a tangled web we weave
When first we practice to deceive.”
(Sir Walter Scott)

As I sat in a Medical Intensive Care Unit (MICU) waiting area over this past weekend, I watched the demonstration of the truth of this phrase. I was sitting with a close friend whose brother is in the final stages of AIDS. Of course, AIDS does not kill you; it breaks the immune system down so that you contract something that does. In his case, he made it through Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma a few years back. Now it is Fungal Meningitis, which is very serious.

He had been in the hospital for a little over a week when he took a sudden, drastic dip that caused them to move him to MICU in the early hours of Saturday morning. When I met his sister and parents at the hospital at 1:30am, things did not look good. We did not expect him to make it through the day. Close friends were called a few hours later. His friends began arriving to be able to see him & friends of his parents began arriving to comfort them.

Here’s where the web begins to get tangled. The young man who is dying had never told his parents about his homosexual (actually, bi-sexual) lifestyle, so he also would not tell them when he learned he was HIV positive. Then, of course, he would not tell them when he learned he had moved into full blown AIDS. Further, he had forbidden his sister and friends to tell them. The dance going on in the waiting room & hallway would have made a good episode on a sitcom, if it had not been so serious.

Further, the doctors and nurses would call the sister back to talk in private, because he had requested that his parents not be told the full story. In addition, his sister is a nurse, so she understands more easily the situation and possible ramifications of each report. However, the fact that they were talking with her instead of the parents was causing the mother to fume – even though the daughter would return and immediately convey the information (that could be). If the doctors had talked with the mother & father, they could not tell the full story due to trying to not reveal the “real” issue.

Finally, late Saturday evening, the mother blew up at the doctor and demanded to be told the whole story. Since she did have a durable power of attorney, he did so. There’s a lesson in being careful what you insist on! She now had to face how her son, who could never do anything wrong, had been living a lifestyle of which she had always spoken in very derogatory terms.

Hmm … could that be why he never wanted to tell her? I do not in any way condone homosexuality. I believe that scripture is very clear on the fact that it is sin. However, it is also sin to be judgmental. Further, the sin of homosexuality is no “worse” or “more sinful” than any other sin – be that heterosexual promiscuity or adultery or lying or backbiting or gossip. Unfortunately, many of those who speak out against homosexuality do so out of attitudes that are equally wrong from a scriptural standpoint. We need to be seeking to minister and bring freedom and reconciliation, not condemnation.

After the initial shock and anger than no one had told them previously, there is much more peace “all around” now that people can talk openly and honestly about the entire situation. Now all the facts, conditions, and potential series of events can be laid out and understood.

So, why is it that we sometimes try to deceive someone? One lie only leads to another – and then another one to cover it – and then another, etc. Then you have to remember to whom you told what – and try to keep people who believe different stories apart, or (as he did) make sure that one party knows that the other party does not know something or knows “a different story.” It all gets very complicated – and the web begins to grow.

This leads to another old expression: Honesty is the best policy. Which, of course, is consistent with scripture, “No lies about your neighbor." (Exodus 20:16, The Message)