Oh what a tangled web we weave ….

“Oh what a tangled web we weave
When first we practice to deceive.”
(Sir Walter Scott)

As I sat in a Medical Intensive Care Unit (MICU) waiting area over this past weekend, I watched the demonstration of the truth of this phrase. I was sitting with a close friend whose brother is in the final stages of AIDS. Of course, AIDS does not kill you; it breaks the immune system down so that you contract something that does. In his case, he made it through Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma a few years back. Now it is Fungal Meningitis, which is very serious.

He had been in the hospital for a little over a week when he took a sudden, drastic dip that caused them to move him to MICU in the early hours of Saturday morning. When I met his sister and parents at the hospital at 1:30am, things did not look good. We did not expect him to make it through the day. Close friends were called a few hours later. His friends began arriving to be able to see him & friends of his parents began arriving to comfort them.

Here’s where the web begins to get tangled. The young man who is dying had never told his parents about his homosexual (actually, bi-sexual) lifestyle, so he also would not tell them when he learned he was HIV positive. Then, of course, he would not tell them when he learned he had moved into full blown AIDS. Further, he had forbidden his sister and friends to tell them. The dance going on in the waiting room & hallway would have made a good episode on a sitcom, if it had not been so serious.

Further, the doctors and nurses would call the sister back to talk in private, because he had requested that his parents not be told the full story. In addition, his sister is a nurse, so she understands more easily the situation and possible ramifications of each report. However, the fact that they were talking with her instead of the parents was causing the mother to fume – even though the daughter would return and immediately convey the information (that could be). If the doctors had talked with the mother & father, they could not tell the full story due to trying to not reveal the “real” issue.

Finally, late Saturday evening, the mother blew up at the doctor and demanded to be told the whole story. Since she did have a durable power of attorney, he did so. There’s a lesson in being careful what you insist on! She now had to face how her son, who could never do anything wrong, had been living a lifestyle of which she had always spoken in very derogatory terms.

Hmm … could that be why he never wanted to tell her? I do not in any way condone homosexuality. I believe that scripture is very clear on the fact that it is sin. However, it is also sin to be judgmental. Further, the sin of homosexuality is no “worse” or “more sinful” than any other sin – be that heterosexual promiscuity or adultery or lying or backbiting or gossip. Unfortunately, many of those who speak out against homosexuality do so out of attitudes that are equally wrong from a scriptural standpoint. We need to be seeking to minister and bring freedom and reconciliation, not condemnation.

After the initial shock and anger than no one had told them previously, there is much more peace “all around” now that people can talk openly and honestly about the entire situation. Now all the facts, conditions, and potential series of events can be laid out and understood.

So, why is it that we sometimes try to deceive someone? One lie only leads to another – and then another one to cover it – and then another, etc. Then you have to remember to whom you told what – and try to keep people who believe different stories apart, or (as he did) make sure that one party knows that the other party does not know something or knows “a different story.” It all gets very complicated – and the web begins to grow.

This leads to another old expression: Honesty is the best policy. Which, of course, is consistent with scripture, “No lies about your neighbor." (Exodus 20:16, The Message)