covenant relationships

As a general rule, we in the United States do not grow up with the understanding of covenant that they do in some countries. Most people do at least acknowledge that marriage is a covenant relationship. However, the divorce rate in our country – among Christians as well as non-Christians – testifies to the fact that keeping that covenant relationship is not always a priority.

One evening this past week, I was caused to reflect on a particular covenant relationship I have had for about 15 years. The reflection was triggered by an incident in which my covenant friend was being viciously attacked by a family member and I “stepped in” to defend her from the lies that were being spewed. I won’t go into the details of that situation, but it did cause me to later reflect on my relationship with the friend I had defended.


What does it mean to be in covenant?

• It means being there when they need someone – without being asked.
  
• It means knowing “that’s not really necessary” sometimes means, “I don’t want to ask you to do that (but it would really be appreciated if you did).”
  
• It means watching their back and defending them – even if they are not around.
  
• It means being willing to step in front of them and “take the bullet” in their place – or provide the protective shield when they are under attack.
  
• It means being willing to utilize all of our resources (finances, time, energy, etc.) to meet a need they have.
  
• It means being as scripture said of David and Jonathan where their souls were knit together and “and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” (1 Sam 18:1)
  

In our society today where self-centered, watching-out-for-yourself sometimes seems to be the norm, it is often misunderstood when one person is willing to “lay down their life” for another – particularly when it is for a friend rather than a spouse or relative. It can be questioned even when it is for family.

I went through a season of care-giving for my mother in her final years. As she aged, the time and attention needed to do all that was needed continued to increase. Once when we were “back home” visiting extended family and friends, I had her cousins and then my cousins pull me aside and tell me that I needed to consider putting her in a nursing home, because (in their view) I shouldn’t “put my life on hold” for her. My thought was, “What?!”

In my view, I wasn’t putting my life on hold. I may have been putting some plans on hold, but not my life. I was living through a season of my life in which I had the privilege of caring for the person who had spent years caring for me. Why would I not want to do that? Isn’t giving ourselves away what love is about?

How many today are willing to do that even for a relative, much less for “a friend”? Yet, John 15:13 states, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” (emphasis added)

Perhaps it is time to ask ourselves the question, “For whom would I do that?”

Then ask the question, “Who would do that for me?”

The answers to those two questions will reveal your true covenant relationships.