covenant relationships

As a general rule, we in the United States do not grow up with the understanding of covenant that they do in some countries. Most people do at least acknowledge that marriage is a covenant relationship. However, the divorce rate in our country – among Christians as well as non-Christians – testifies to the fact that keeping that covenant relationship is not always a priority.

One evening this past week, I was caused to reflect on a particular covenant relationship I have had for about 15 years. The reflection was triggered by an incident in which my covenant friend was being viciously attacked by a family member and I “stepped in” to defend her from the lies that were being spewed. I won’t go into the details of that situation, but it did cause me to later reflect on my relationship with the friend I had defended.


What does it mean to be in covenant?

• It means being there when they need someone – without being asked.
  
• It means knowing “that’s not really necessary” sometimes means, “I don’t want to ask you to do that (but it would really be appreciated if you did).”
  
• It means watching their back and defending them – even if they are not around.
  
• It means being willing to step in front of them and “take the bullet” in their place – or provide the protective shield when they are under attack.
  
• It means being willing to utilize all of our resources (finances, time, energy, etc.) to meet a need they have.
  
• It means being as scripture said of David and Jonathan where their souls were knit together and “and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” (1 Sam 18:1)
  

In our society today where self-centered, watching-out-for-yourself sometimes seems to be the norm, it is often misunderstood when one person is willing to “lay down their life” for another – particularly when it is for a friend rather than a spouse or relative. It can be questioned even when it is for family.

I went through a season of care-giving for my mother in her final years. As she aged, the time and attention needed to do all that was needed continued to increase. Once when we were “back home” visiting extended family and friends, I had her cousins and then my cousins pull me aside and tell me that I needed to consider putting her in a nursing home, because (in their view) I shouldn’t “put my life on hold” for her. My thought was, “What?!”

In my view, I wasn’t putting my life on hold. I may have been putting some plans on hold, but not my life. I was living through a season of my life in which I had the privilege of caring for the person who had spent years caring for me. Why would I not want to do that? Isn’t giving ourselves away what love is about?

How many today are willing to do that even for a relative, much less for “a friend”? Yet, John 15:13 states, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” (emphasis added)

Perhaps it is time to ask ourselves the question, “For whom would I do that?”

Then ask the question, “Who would do that for me?”

The answers to those two questions will reveal your true covenant relationships.

Oh what a tangled web we weave ….

“Oh what a tangled web we weave
When first we practice to deceive.”
(Sir Walter Scott)

As I sat in a Medical Intensive Care Unit (MICU) waiting area over this past weekend, I watched the demonstration of the truth of this phrase. I was sitting with a close friend whose brother is in the final stages of AIDS. Of course, AIDS does not kill you; it breaks the immune system down so that you contract something that does. In his case, he made it through Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma a few years back. Now it is Fungal Meningitis, which is very serious.

He had been in the hospital for a little over a week when he took a sudden, drastic dip that caused them to move him to MICU in the early hours of Saturday morning. When I met his sister and parents at the hospital at 1:30am, things did not look good. We did not expect him to make it through the day. Close friends were called a few hours later. His friends began arriving to be able to see him & friends of his parents began arriving to comfort them.

Here’s where the web begins to get tangled. The young man who is dying had never told his parents about his homosexual (actually, bi-sexual) lifestyle, so he also would not tell them when he learned he was HIV positive. Then, of course, he would not tell them when he learned he had moved into full blown AIDS. Further, he had forbidden his sister and friends to tell them. The dance going on in the waiting room & hallway would have made a good episode on a sitcom, if it had not been so serious.

Further, the doctors and nurses would call the sister back to talk in private, because he had requested that his parents not be told the full story. In addition, his sister is a nurse, so she understands more easily the situation and possible ramifications of each report. However, the fact that they were talking with her instead of the parents was causing the mother to fume – even though the daughter would return and immediately convey the information (that could be). If the doctors had talked with the mother & father, they could not tell the full story due to trying to not reveal the “real” issue.

Finally, late Saturday evening, the mother blew up at the doctor and demanded to be told the whole story. Since she did have a durable power of attorney, he did so. There’s a lesson in being careful what you insist on! She now had to face how her son, who could never do anything wrong, had been living a lifestyle of which she had always spoken in very derogatory terms.

Hmm … could that be why he never wanted to tell her? I do not in any way condone homosexuality. I believe that scripture is very clear on the fact that it is sin. However, it is also sin to be judgmental. Further, the sin of homosexuality is no “worse” or “more sinful” than any other sin – be that heterosexual promiscuity or adultery or lying or backbiting or gossip. Unfortunately, many of those who speak out against homosexuality do so out of attitudes that are equally wrong from a scriptural standpoint. We need to be seeking to minister and bring freedom and reconciliation, not condemnation.

After the initial shock and anger than no one had told them previously, there is much more peace “all around” now that people can talk openly and honestly about the entire situation. Now all the facts, conditions, and potential series of events can be laid out and understood.

So, why is it that we sometimes try to deceive someone? One lie only leads to another – and then another one to cover it – and then another, etc. Then you have to remember to whom you told what – and try to keep people who believe different stories apart, or (as he did) make sure that one party knows that the other party does not know something or knows “a different story.” It all gets very complicated – and the web begins to grow.

This leads to another old expression: Honesty is the best policy. Which, of course, is consistent with scripture, “No lies about your neighbor." (Exodus 20:16, The Message)

no compromise!

As I watched Ben Stein's recently released movie "EXPELLED," I could not help but notice how the two "theories" being discussed - the theory of intelligent design versus the theory of evolution - polarize people.

The abortion issue is another issue that has a similar effect on people.

In both cases, there are those who try to take “a more of moderate view" and merge the two opinions. While they likely view themselves as trying to balance the extremes by finding an area of compromise between them, what they are really doing is avoiding taking a stand.

For those who know that God Jehovah was the Intelligent Designer and that He both designed and created all that is, there is no compromise on that position. He designed and created not only earth and humankind, but all that exists. Further, it was all done with purpose. Nothing about it was “happenstance” nor did man “evolve” from moneys, apes, or tadpoles.

For those who truly believe in the sanctity of life, there is no way to reconcile abortion, under any circumstance, as being acceptable. On the other side of the issue are those who believe that the killing of the unborn is the right of a person to "choose' to eliminate a "problem" - even if that "problem" is someone else's life.

So where is the point of compromise?

Some say that there was intelligent design at the initial creation points, but then the world evolved from there.

Similarly, there are those who believe that while, in general, abortion is wrong, it is acceptable under “certain” circumstances. Those “exceptions” range from rape and incest to babies believed to be developing with certain abnormalities or handicaps to personal trauma to the mother if she continues with the pregnancy.

The problem is that these stances actually put the proponent into the evolution and abortion camps. No matter how they want to water it down or soft-pedal it, they are promoting evolution or abortion.

What we are talking about is situation ethics. Merriam-Webster defines that as being “a system of ethics by which acts are judged within their contexts instead of by categorical principles.” Put another way, it is the losing of absolutes.

Many years ago, I had a manager who lived in what I will call “the gray zone.” He did not seem to have absolutes on anything. One day, he confronted me, accusing me of “seeing everything as black or white.” It did not calm the situation any when I saw that as a compliment rather than a problem!

Are there times we should (even must) compromise? Yes. But, there are issues on which we need to compromise and there are issues where we should never do so.

We can compromise on where we are going to eat dinner, the color to paint the house, where we are going for vacation, or whether to buy a new riding lawn mower or a new refrigerator. These are all amoral decisions. There is no “right” answer from a moral perspective; it is a matter of what is most important to us at the time.

Conversely, the deity of the Creator of the universe and all that exists beyond it and the sanctity of life are moral issues. We should never compromise the Truth that we know from scripture and from personal relationship with the Creator on these topics and others in order to “get along” with those around us.

We have not been called to “get along” with the world. We have been called to change it! May it be said of us as it was said of believers in the 1st century that “These who have turned the world upside down have come here too.” (Acts 17:6b, NKJV) May we begin to develop that same reputation. It is time to quit retreating from the world on each and every topic and, instead, begin to “occupy and possess” this world. We must realize that this world was created with the intent of mankind, created in the image of God and living in close relationship with Him, having dominion in and ruling over it.

Adam and Eve relinquished their authority to Lucifer, or Satan as he is more commonly called. “The second Adam,” Jesus Christ, regained that authority. However, it is up to us, His people, to exercise that authority and begin to rule not only our own lives, but our cities, regions, and nations. I am not talking about a political coupe. I am talking about shifting the atmosphere over our cities, states, and nations to one of righteousness. I am talking about strong believers rising up to key positions in business, government, and even the media. I am talking about realizing that the Kingdom of God is not something for which we are waiting, but rather that it exists here and now. According to Luke 10:8-11, we carry it with us – or at least we should. We need to quit waiting for the Kingdom to come and start living in a way that demonstrates our citizenship in it.